Living our authentic lives
How shedding societal expectations can lead to a life without regrets
In a recent online article, a palliative care nurse was asked, “What is the one regret old people always have?” As this nurse typically cared for patients who were terminal or in hospice, she had enough conversations with those nearing the end of life and wanted to share their thoughts to venture a point of view:
The number one regret (well, there are really two) are not spending more time with the people that really mattered to them, and not living their life for themselves (aka doing what others expected of them or what society dictated they should be doing with their lives).
Her conclusion: “Live your life the way you want.”
I couldn’t agree more.
The challenge of living authentically
As a naturist for the past 30 years and after opening my naturist B&B five years ago, I have been struck by how incredibly difficult it is for so many to follow that advice. I opened Nuance Naturist B&B in part to provide a quality naturist experience for naturists in the Midwest but also, specifically, to help first-time naturists become comfortable with living clothes-free in a small-scale, intimate setting.
About 40% of my guests are “first-timers,” and almost universally, they find the experience transformational, wonderful, and liberating. Experienced naturists know this feeling and would nod and say, “Yep!” However, in spite of believing a clothing-free experience would be both natural and positive, the journey for many, if not most, of my first-time guests is stress-inducing, soul-searching, and time-consuming.
Often, I have had guests tell me, “We have been talking about this for years (or decades),” or “We were really intimidated about coming here,” or “I surprised my partner that this is where we are going for a holiday.”
Some first-time guests were visibly nervous on their arrival, and almost all were dramatically overpacked for the weekend.
Yet, in a very short period of time, after disrobing and taking a tour of the grounds and amenities, their anxiety was shedding as quickly as their clothes. Guests become acclimated to living clothes-free in an amazingly short period of time. I began offering dinners on Saturday evenings as a way to help guests avoid having to put on clothes and go into town.
On Sunday afternoon, when most guests are departing, it is not uncommon for them to say, “Do we have to put clothes on now???”
Facing the hurdles to authenticity
With such an easy transformation for many from uneasiness to ecstasy, why is it such a tremendous hurdle for so many couples to visit a naturist venue in the first place? Even more on my mind is the thought of all those couples who have not yet been able to summon the intestinal fortitude to make that call and visit a nudist/naturist resort or go to a nude beach.
When so many of (my) first-time guests are in their 50s and 60s, I’m thinking, “You could have been doing this for years...what was holding you back?”
As I pointed out in my recent article, “Why aren’t more Americans nudists?” we are so hung up on body shame and guilt as a society it takes a huge amount of determination and commitment to visit a naturist venue for the first time.
Importantly, though, in addition to those cultural barriers Americans face, I am struck by the sense that too many people are not able to “Live your life the way you want.” Too many of us see too many obstacles in the way of being our authentic selves.
We seem to be waiting for someone to give us permission to experience life as we choose. Or worse, we assume permission is denied in advance...and the cause is hopeless.
“What would my children/friends/relatives/employer, etc. think if they knew?”
I don’t know what they would think...but is the quality of your relationships that fragile?
One first-time guest named Clarence said, “I thought about what story I would come up with to tell my daughter where we were for the weekend...and the more I thought, the more complicated the lie became. I decided I wasn’t going to lie and tell her the truth. She laughed and said, ‘I always knew you were quirky.’ Then she offered to pay for another night’s stay here! I must have done something right (raising her).”
“I don’t think my body is good enough to be nude in front of others.”
Naturism is about body acceptance, and the first body you have to accept is your own. When you do that, your self-esteem and self-confidence go up, you see others differently, and others see you in a different light.
Body acceptance as a naturist helps you be your authentic self.
“I’m too old to be a naturist/nudist.”
No, you’re not. I have first-time guests in their 60s, 70s, and beyond. They all felt the same transformational glow of living and being accepted for who they are clothes-free.
“What if someone I know is there?”
Well, you have just encountered some like-minded people with whom you have a shared experience and a potential friendship on a new level.
There are more...hobgoblins of the mind that keep us from doing what we instinctively feel would be fun or a positive experience. Those self-limiting cautions do more than keep us between the lines. They hinder our sense of the possible and put blinders on our imagination. It makes it seem so much of life is for other people, not me.
Whether it’s experiencing life clothes-free, deciding to take up skydiving or riding a motorcycle, taking a pole-dancing class, knitting (for men), or chainsaw art (for women), stop worrying about what your family/friends, etc. would say or what society thinks is appropriate. Do you. You will have fun, make mistakes, and experience exhilaration and regret. There is no free lunch.
But what are they going to do...send you to Vietnam?? (My 1970s Army experience is showing through). Live your life the way you want, and you will not only have one less regret, you will value the journey. 🪐
Keep reading
 | A guest post by
|
Well done.
We must live our own lives and get over living for others.