Living authentically without fear

A transgender nudist on the courage it takes to live in your own skin—By Barbara Minney

Envato Elements

Looking out over the gray Northeast Ohio landscape, I find respite in remembering last summer—delivering the keynote address at EDEN, held at the Forest Hills Club in Saranac, Michigan. The whole weekend of acceptance and affirmation in a nudist setting was a life-changing experience. I was invited because the organizers had read my essay for AANR, “Nudism and the LGBTQ Community.” I chose as my topic “Living Authentically Without Fear.” This is important if you are a nudist, but it becomes critical if you are both a nudist and a transgender woman.

My wife, Marilyn, and I have been nudists for nearly fifty years—a little over 70% of our lives. Many of our vacations over the years were spent at nudist resorts in America, Canada, and the Caribbean. However, I have been a transgender woman for only about eight of those years.

Several years ago, my therapist challenged me to do a self-portrait. I was intimidated and fearful of what I might discover and procrastinated for a very long time. Eventually, I ended up doing two. The first drawing was very abstract and just a little monster-like. In discussing it with my therapist, I realized that it depicted the way I see myself presented to the world. I am hiding behind a mask of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and imposter syndrome. I am fearful of showing my true self. Fearful of being rejected or of being found out. Fearful of love and acceptance. The second drawing was a contrast to the first one. While it was also somewhat abstract, my therapist described it as fierce. It reflected how I would like the world to see me. How I would like to see myself.

The most critical step on the journey to self-actualization is answering the universal question, “Who am I?” It took me a whole lifetime of living as someone that I wasn’t before discovering the answer to that question.

Answering that question depends largely on overcoming fear. Fear is an enormously powerful emotion and one that is difficult to analyze. Sometimes, we need to celebrate ourselves and our achievements and do things for ourselves without worrying about what others may think. I will admit that this is a very difficult concept for most people, including myself. I was scared of success and imposter syndrome. I wondered if the success that I was having as a writer was because I am somewhat of a novelty as a transgender woman who happens to write. Now I am kind of a novelty as a transgender woman who also happens to be a nudist. I am the only one at our club and not exactly universally accepted. Deciding that it did not really matter was a huge step toward self-acceptance. I was doing it all for myself and my wellbeing and self-care. Looking back, it amazes me how much fear I have overcome.

There are certain parallels between being a nudist and being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Both are often marginalized and misunderstood communities and targets of the conservative right and evangelical Christians. Ironically, one of the earliest advocates for social nudism was a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Her name was Helen Reitman. She was an out and open lesbian during the Comstock Era. She had experienced social nudism in her European travels, and she published On Going Naked in 1932 under the name Jan Gay with illustrations by her significant other, Zhenya. That same year, Jan produced the first known American documentary film on the nudist movement, called This Nude World. She served as camp director of the Fresh Air Club, one of the first and only official landed nudist clubs to exist in New York. She was also involved in the first assemblies of the International Nudist Conference, which eventually became the American Sunbathing Association.

I’ve lived two lifetimes. The first sixty years of my life were lived as someone that I wasn’t. Now, I’m living as the person that I was always truly meant to be. The only consistency between the two lifetimes was being a nudist. Maybe that was enough to allow me to persevere.

We all struggle at some point in our lives with fear and acceptance of our worth. However, if we are willing to step outside of our comfort zones and experience new things, we might be amazed to have discovered our true selves. 🪐