55 Comments
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MADuncan's avatar

Oh, the irony! Well written.

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M.M.'s avatar

😂😂😂 You forgot fining the male beach volleyball players for wearing shorts that are too long and designing workplace dress policies for men based around what might appear to be sexual dressing.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

I think the brassieres for men section addresses the workplace issue 😂

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M.M.'s avatar

😂😂😂 true enough!

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jparr's avatar

Good points.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

I hope this is a compliment of the writing and not a comment on my male nipples!

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jparr's avatar

Lol

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jparr's avatar

Lol.

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Robert Curry's avatar

Good satire.

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tim bailey's avatar

Nope we need to allow women to be bare chested everywhere just like men growing up a buddy of mine had bigger breasts than most of the girls at that time. yes we harassed him some. also women's breasts are used to feed kids even more reason to stop the shaming. also along the same line i belong to a fb group that is about aorta aneurysms and after any of us have surgery most come back and share some pictures to shown how we are healing up well sadly the ladies are not allowed to show their open heart scars since fb does not allow for the women's breasts be seen. just plain stupid.

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Jim Foxvog's avatar

I don't like it. I'm concerned some will take this seriously.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

Humorless people take everything seriously.

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Jim Foxvog's avatar

I mean take action to make people consider male nipples indecent.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

If this little blog could have the power to undo that in our society then all the other non-satirical articles we publish every day would have done a lot more in the reverse. A little satire never hurt anyone.

…Except for the humorless.

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Joe Jovanovich's avatar

Did I oversleep and wake up on April 1 and not on January 1?

Please, forward to body freedom not backwards to more oppression !

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Born Naked's avatar

My thought exactly.

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Carl Hild, PhD's avatar

I got up this morning and changed my calendar. I did not realize that it was April first already. Albeit caution, without a closing comment to counter the theme, someone will take this seriously and soon we will have Victor's Secrets selling us things we really do not want or need.

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Carl Mario Nudi's avatar

I'm going to cover my nipples with bandaids or wear a bra-like garment the next time I go to the beach and see what kind of response I get. LOL. Well written, Evan. Johnathan Swift would be proud of you. I hope more people read this than just nudists/naturists. We need to get the general public to start thinking about the hypocrisy. We all should restack this article.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

Thank you for compliments! I do hope it’s obvious enough to the textiles that it’s meant to be sarcastic, as at least few nudists have taken it as earnest already!

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John's avatar

I propose pasties with obviously male nipples.

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Born Naked's avatar

Obviously male nipples? That's funny.

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Jim Booher's avatar

Love it. Hypocrisy abounds. It is interesting how the reverse applies below the waist. As has been pointed out in these forums before, a female nude from the waist down is viewed with more open-mindedness than that of a male. Where the nude female form is more easily viewed as artful, exposing the male genitalia is perverted.

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Evan Nicks's avatar

Yes! There are certainly double standards around all aspects of nudity. Worth noting though, that nobody is allowed to go bottomless in society, where the discrepancy around men being able to legally go topless and not women is a clear matter of equality, beyond merely being a double standard. I’m all for normalizing and legitimizing nudity, but we ought to be careful about conflating the issues.

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Dave Samuelson's avatar

Holy Jonathan Swift, Batman!

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Louie's avatar

I have no issues with such restrictions. But perhaps we also need to have men dressed top to bottom in a sackcloth, so everyone dare not see flesh, no sandals, either. You know those feet fetishized men and women running around out there.

Wow, I think we need more naked spaces to enjoy. Croatia has 32 clothing optional city’s, towns and villages. Hee Haw!

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John Rasmussen's avatar

This is a terrible time for satirists. Almost impossible to write something so hyperbolic that *no one* thinks it's real! 😖

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Evan Nicks's avatar

Oof. Sad but true.

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Tony Mayfield's avatar

The bikini was controversial at the time they came out common place and uncontroversial now.

Free the nipple and let time tall the tale.

While we are at it let’s go clothing optional too!

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Patrick Elliott's avatar

Yes. This exactly. I have a video blogger I watch a fair amount of who is a topless freedom advocate. She is so harassed about it that even posting a video in youtube about her kids, while fully dressed, will instantly get the video flagged as a TOS violation (even when flagged as adult content, and thus not allowed to be monetized), despite other people having stuff like nude yoga on the same. But, her often #1 complaint is that almost any male nudist that finds her content, via any place she does manage to post, always jumps into, "Why bother with this, we need to be advocating for total body freedom." But.. thing is, the bikini ALSO didn't jump straight from men and women both being required to be dressed head to toe, including shirts, and no ankles allowed, especially on women, to speedos and bikinis, there where steps between.

Topless equality is imho a clear step, and some people just don't get this. Heck, we, for a time, in this country, had utter insanity in colleges and even some high schools, of having a) pools, b) swim meets, c) old, easily plugged filters systems, and d) an insane requirement that 1) women still had to wear a full covering swim suit (in utter contradiction to the filter issue), but 2) men, to "protect the filters", where required to be nude. Thanks in part to prudes, who would likely love nothing less than to also ban bikinis again, we have gone backwards for men, and hit a brick wall for women. Worse... Game of Thrones, and other "new media" has probably done more for normalizing nudity in up coming generations than the whole nudist/naturist movement in the US. Because, funny thing - its being exposed to the idea, and not having the world end, which normalizes it, not going on a website and talking to people that already share your views on the subject, while telling women, "Why bother, we should just advocate for all of it to be allowed."

So, sure.. Lets do the later, but lets "get there" by fixing this issue first, because, seriously.. we are not going to "get there", at least in the US, by leaping directly from, "Everyone needs to be clothed, but men can go shirtless.", straight to, "clothing optional". And how is pissing off the women you think you are helping by demanding that leap going to get us there?

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