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Linda Weber's avatar

While this seems to provoke a few laughs, the sad reality is for women, the fear of being approached inappropriately by men whether clothed or unclothed is a real world concern. The majority of nudists know how to behave. Unfortunately, the issue is with the men who are approaching women for all the wrong reasons and that stays with a woman.

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MarriedNudist94's avatar

I agree Linda! As a man, I suppose I should feel shame for the the way my gender has acted and is perceived. But I'm not nor have I ever been one of "those men". I was raised in a family that taught values and morals, we treat all others with dignity and respect, always. As a nudist, that part came naturally to me. Seeing how most other nudists behave, actually solidified my journey into nudism. "These are my people. I'm one of them!"

Even in today's world, I'm still on the look out when visiting a nudist venue, usually very safe, but you never know. My wife loves the experience as much as I do. Which is great of course, but I'm there still watching over her and others to be honest, as I was taught to do by my parents. I've said several times I wished the people of the world all acted like nudists do. It pains me to know how women have been and continue to be treated by men.

Congratulations Linda!! I know you'll do great work for our small but wonderful community!!

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Au Naturel's avatar

Wouldn't the answer then be to not approach?

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Beth Robefel's avatar

Most resorts have a geriatric management and office staff. There is often nothing to do and the single men just circle around the one young single woman. They fail to reach a critical mass of women present.

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Jens Alfke's avatar

This is a powerful article. I’ve spent my adult life consciously striving not to be one of those men. I hope for a future world where women can feel safe. But this is an Internet comment, so may I express differences of opinion?

Regarding the use of the word “allegedly” — I don’t think this furthers your point. The main reason that word wouldn’t be used in reporting a bear attack is that bears do not have the right to a fair trial, to be presumed innocent until proven guilty; nor do bears have the right to sue for libel. This makes writers more cautious in reporting bad behavior by humans.

I’m also skeptical about the rosy claims made for egalitarian women's groups. My wife would lose her cool if she read that! — she’s dealt with backstabbing by other women her whole life. And the anthropological claims of utopian ancient matriarchies have mostly been disproven (sadly). Men are from Earth, women are from Earth; neither sex is inherently superior.

Finally, with regard to women-only spaces as shelter from men: with the increasing blurring of gender lines, this has lately become a minefield as it requires making judgments about who is or isn’t “truly” female, which has spurred transphobia. I would rather see us demand higher standards of behavior in inclusive groups, rather than start trying to ban people with Y chromosomes from certain places on the presumption they may be abusive.

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Thomas Francine's avatar

I agree with all you are saying here Jens. Thanks for writing it so eloquently.

I believe the word "allegedly" is used as a general, even overdone, practice, across the board, for the reasons you state... including when women commit horrific acts against men. - A Google News search for "allegedly" turns up article after article for all kinds of scenarios. I don't think it is used more often when men do bad things, than when women do bad things. - In fact, at least in the US, men are ultimately punished more harshly for committing the same crime as women are. The prison population in the US has skyrocketed for men over the last few decades, whereas for women the rate has remained about the same. https://www.instagram.com/p/CoPb4kWNSQR - However I do think one particular headline the author cites, her first one, which I looked up and is from Fox News, does seem to use the word "allegedly" unnecessarily, as Diddy had already owned up to being the man in the semi-grainy video at that point. But still I think this is just general practice to use this word over and beyond what seems necessary for anyone who has not yet been convicted of a crime, such that the network doesn't later get sued for slander. - I'm not sure though. Perhaps this particular Fox News case is actually a bit sexist to keep using that word even after Diddy owned up to it! I'm not sure.

I also am curious about which specific matriarchal society the author is thinking about, in which there are no hierarchies? A claim like this can use a quick citation or a little more detail. - And I'm also curious about how a national org like AANR would operate without any hierarchy whatsoever? - In any case, hierarchies are not inherently bad. Nor are non-hierarchies inherently bad... But also women are quite involved in creating hierarchies, as they (on average) romantically prefer men who are higher up in hierarchies themselves, across all cultures, at least as far as I know.

The one thing I disagree slightly with you on Jens, is that I do think that women's-only spaces should certainly be encouraged for any women who wants to join them. To discuss their concerns or just have a nice day. While also hopefully not getting to the point where males are banned from spaces at large. I don't think this is an either/or... I think women should have their own spaces in some contexts, while also pushing for inclusivity and good behavior at large!

And to say something about the article's main idea, I totally agree with the author. Sexual harassment and sexual violence against women are serious issues, that we should be talking about plenty, and figuring out what to do about. And def women experience this more than men do, and women are particularly vulnerable to it at some or perhaps even all naturist locations. And I thank the author for bringing it up for discussion here, (even while I have a couple minor questions about some of the finer points).

It's also worth stating that while women definitely experience this more than men, a good amount of men also experience it, often much more than people realize. And also, counterintuitively, more often from women: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sexual-victimization-by-women-is-more-common-than-previously-known/ -- So, men have a stake in this discussion too even from the victim side, at least a small one, at least in terms of sexual violence (although perhaps less so specifically with sexual harassment). - Similarly, domestic violence is less of a gendered topic than many realize: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cow2OnPNwNy/?img_index=6 and https://www.instagram.com/p/C0_eDzltMJz ... with many men having a stake even in the 'victim' side on this topic too. - It's additionally worth noting that men experience violence overall, including murder, more often than women do. -- all this to say, I think a lot of these issues are less explicitly about women vs man (such that women would even rather encounter a random bear over a random man)... and more so good men and good women vs bad men and bad women. Even while we should def highlight that women do on average experience certain forms of harassment and violence more than men do!

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Edward Bionic's avatar

As a cis male myself I don't have much to add. I've tried hard to do my part when it comes to assertively calling out dangerous or inappropriate behavior in men around me, and have done a lot of work on myself to escape that male mindset. It really will take us men, primarily, to get this done.

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Almostwild's avatar

Excellent. No notes, thank you for expressing this for all those who need to hear it, both for validation of women’s experiences and to expand the awareness of others.

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Charles Daney's avatar

It would be stating the obvious to say that significant gender issues exist in naturism, as they do in most other aspects of society. Naturists certainly need to work on these issues within their own sphere. But it's a big problem that so few women are prominent in naturism (the exceptions are screamingly obvious). Since women are far outnumbered in naturism, the discussion is way out of balance to begin with. It's a Catch-22 situation. Women need to have much more influence within naturism - but there aren't enough of them to make significant progress. There's probably a large "silent majority" of men in naturism who can see the problem, but do little to address it actively. I don't see any easy solution, but working hard to find a solution should be a priority. No doubt Linda will be a great help - but she'll need everyone's support.

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Linda Weber's avatar

Thank you Charles.

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M.M.'s avatar

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, like and comment. This is a topic that brings up strong emotions in many ways for people because it is not talked about enough for us to have processed the content. As such, I am consciously staying away from engaging in friendly debate and simply extending my gratitude for anyone who does engage. I believe it's important to talk about this: for society at large and also to better understand barriers to naturism so they may be actively (vs passively) addressed. I know there are many good people who are naturists.

One thing that did come to mind while reading that made me smile a little is this: I have seen many detailed engagements on the difficulties of a person who may have an erection while naked be met with great sympathy and empathy here and in other naturist blogs on Substack. I smiled because it reminded me of what a unique and capable community this is for thinking outside of the box. Then I wished that the same sensitivity and care could be applied here for another's experience that may not be your own.

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Au Naturel's avatar

There are several "third rails" in nudism, depending on who you talk to. "Erections" is one of them. Children are another. Gender relations is yet another. Ultimately, they are all related to one's notion of sexuality.

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Au Naturel's avatar

Here's the problem. I can only control me. I cannot control other men. I cannot influence how a woman reacts. If a woman fears encountering me because I'm a man, there is zero I can do about it. If there is nothing one can do about something, then you shrug your shoulders and get on with life.

If the answer is to set up female only nudist environments, then we do it. It does nothing to make women less fearful of men but if it will allow them to be comfortable without their clothes, I'm all for it. But it brings up the next problem.

To do something like that you need a facility. How many women are going to drive for hours to get to a location for a ladies nudist night? That's how most of our nudist clubs operate - at least in my neck of the woods. They are way remote. There are no nudist friendly facilities in the urban areas where most people live. The closest thing to one would be a Korean spa.

The issue remains that I can be the best person in the world, an absolute saint, and a random woman I might meet could still fear me. Assuming we don't get to know each other, nothing I do will affect that fear. She will always fear me because I belong to a group she considers dangerous.

I do a lot of trail hiking. The women I meet on the trail - and may of them are solo hikers - are not particularly afraid of men or bears. That is a level of confidence our culture should be encouraging. Instead we encourage cultivating fear rather than overcoming it. But that's also nothing I have any control over.

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Thomas Francine's avatar

Good points on all counts Fred. - And I do think that encouraging an overcoming of fear is an important part of the convo, alongside statistical literacy. Seems largely missing from many convos across all kinds of topics.

But I also do think that there ARE reasons to be afraid in certain contexts, AND that things that individuals and groups can do, to make women and men more comfortable in naturist settings. Even if they are not part of the problem themselves. - I think it depends largely on the specific location in question, what those actions might be! So yes, we cannot control others in all ways, but we can influence others and the community in a variety of manners.

Such as hearing out women (but also any people in general who have experienced harassment or violence or any other troubles in the naturist world) fully in their own terms and experiences. And such as knowing some best practices for what men can do in certain situations. (For example, at a public naturist beach, when I see others holding their phones up in the air such that they may be taking photos of others, I politely and firmly tell them that taking photos without people's permission is not allowed, and that even if they are supposedly not doing this at the moment, it looks like they are. I have said this to a number of people; and sometimes it has quite an impact. One person in particular, was with someone else, and he was mortified that I had caught him in front of this other person, who also did not realize that he was doing this. On the other hand, another person I confronted proved to me he was not doing anything of the like by showing me his photo folder... and I actually felt a bit bad because I had come on a little too harshly on him at first, being sure he really was taking photos. We chatted and we actually had a nice convo.)

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M.M.'s avatar

Really solid points, Sparrow.

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M.M.'s avatar

I really appreciate that you ask these questions, Fred. I think it's where we end up a lot of times with important conversations, in a place of agreement but unsure how to move forward. It's only when the questions are asked that the real work can begin.

There are things that you can influence. Being a leader and participant in conversations like this in men's spaces is one. Sharing the ways you approach situations to create safety. Challenging attitudes and language. Questioning why the culture is how it is. Women alone can't solve this. Letting others know that this isn't about excluding men, just as being supportive of the LGBTQ community isn't about sexuality. Helping rally support even if the solution isn't apparent.

Naturist clubs can host events to encourage dialogue. I believe in the power of symbolism and representations like the rainbow flag, white or purple ribbon campaign, posters, etc, actively say more than people might assume. These are hard conversations for everyone but there are also things to celebrate within them that can provide balance and strengthen unity.

Support the try-ers, and we need to have lots of them. If there are women building events outside of naturist communities, women going to Korean spas (as you rightly pointed out), there is an audience. So try lots of new things. Where I live, there is an event called "Nuit Blanche." Maybe there is a "Nuite Nue" where there is wine and art and good food, something that evokes an exploration of the senses, that takes it beyond just a "women's only night." Maybe there is a "Raunchiest Stitch and Bitch" monthly club where women can gather and knit or do subversive cross stitches and enjoy comedy, a few drinks and a potluck. Maybe there is a "Mom's boobs are for more than milk" event where women explore what their bodies mean to them after parenthood, etc.

There are so many things to be explored and different things will work for different clubs, but we need to support people trying and to share what is tried. And maybe to bring in people who are experienced in doing women's events externally. These ideas will most likely come from women but they need nurturing and funding and cheerleading as much as the latest volleyball tournament.

I hope this gives a positive perspective on what can be done. I'm also copy-paste on your other comment.

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Au Naturel's avatar

I live north of Los Angeles. The nearest landed club is two hours way. It has been listed on a business real estate site. A majority of the clubs/resorts that were active in Southern California when I moved here are gone or turned textile, yet the population has doubled. I don't think there are enough clubs in my area to make a difference.

Getting new blood into nudism is the first and most fundamental problem we face. Our definition of what a nudist or naturist is will have to broaden. Maybe even find a different, broader, label.

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Beth Robefel's avatar

I mention the story on my blog. https://naked5k.wordpress.com/2024/06/26/planet-nude-writes-an-intelligent-article-on-nudisms-war-on-women/ Women nudist race runners are also textile runners. Except for a few, that is already only a handful nationally, that live in resorts, women nudist runners not only have the experience of of resorts indifferent to women they also have the catcall and harassment all women runners share. Women at the races express disappointment that the women in the resorts don't exercise and really have little in common with them. Mentioning this is not an invitation for blaming the victim.

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Beth Robefel's avatar

There is literally a list of people murdered while out on a run https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_killed_while_running 84% of women can recall themself being catcalled or worse when out on a run, and 25% said they had the most recent experience in the last year.

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Au Naturel's avatar

Much of that has to do with the aging of nudism. I've have gotten older and can no longer run much of anything and so has much of the rest of the nudist population. Nudism has become associated with sedentary activities. Hiking might be a better alternative to running.

I have always hoped we could get a contingent of very serious nude runners in the Bay to Breakers. People who are seeded or subseeded. It would be good publicity and good role models. Problem is that most nude runners (esp. females) aren't nudists per se. And they don't want a lot of nude publicity for obvious reasons.

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Beth Robefel's avatar

Being naked in view of the clothed public is exhibiting. It is not social naturism and does not promote social naturism.

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Au Naturel's avatar

That is a matter of opinion. From my POV, it is a demonstration of social identity, no different from a St. Patrick's day parade. Whether it is a good idea or not depends on accepting the locality is. What is reasonable in SF would not be in Salt Lake City.

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Edward Bionic's avatar

This is a bit of a misnomer and not entirely accurate. There are plenty of reasons to wish to attend events nude that isn't 'exhibiting' or 'exhibition' and that thought process is always what inevitably leads to people attacking naturists in general. If I want to sit nude on a public beach, it's not because I want to show my body off. It's because I wish to exist without the discomforts of wet/sandy/hot clothing. I just want to exist. If I'm a runner used to doing so naturally, having to put clothes on can be extremely discomfiting. I'm not wanting to run naked because I want people to gaze at me.

Exhibition is the desire to be seen for the sake of being seen. Most nudists aren't doing that, even if they get naked in clothed gatherings.

So no, it's not exhibitionist and yes, it's naturist. It's not the fault of naturists that clothed people find it distasteful, but hiding away in little enclaves hasn't done a damn thing for naturism either.

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